wiseMusings

TW: rape

Something to consider: when a person says “I have been raped”, don’t reply by saying “men are falsely accused all the time!”

One, you’re wrong. There are more people who are honest about being raped than people who lie. You only have to look at the way society is structured, and who has more to lose by speaking out, to realise this.

Secondly, it’s insensitive to the person. What if they’re being honest, and you’re attacking her for the sins of other people? Does a person who talks about such a hurtful personal experience deserve such instant backlash?

Thirdly, you don’t know what happens behind closed doors. I’ve heard of men who initiate sex with an unwilling partner, with the confidence that “she’ll get into it eventually.” That’s rape. He might not think of it as rape, but it is. And if she realises what it is, and reports him, then it seems as if “hey hey, this dude has been falsely accused”. But no, he wasn’t. He raped a woman. And your ignorance regarding sex, consent, and rape will lead you to draw the wrong conclusions about rape, and how it occurs.

Lastly, what kind of men rape? Is it only these creepy old geezers that come to us in our mind’s eye? And what kind of woman is raped? Is it the crying girl with the torn skirt and the broken dignity? Is that the only idea you have of rape? If so, then a reality check is needed. Rapists are all around us. They’re not all creepy. They’re not all old. Most of them aren’t creepy or old. Most of them are your brother, your uncle, your cousin, your friend, your father. Even you, in a certain situation.

Getting rid of the archetypal rapist, in your mind, will give you a better understanding of how rape and sexual assault seem to be steeped into the way we interact with each other. And, more importantly, how any man is capable of rape.

This is why men should:

1) educate themselves on what women mean when they speak about “rape culture” instead of strawmanning that idea

and

2) take on the plight of men who’ve been falsely accused of rape, everywhere they go. They should be creating foundations that financially assist men who can’t find employment due to being falsely accused of rape. They should be writing articles and books, filled with stories and data about false rape accusations. They should be lobbying the government to impose strict penalties, or some sort of punishment, towards women who falsely accuse men of rape.

They should be going the whole nine yards.

But they don’t. The only time they seem to refer to false rape accusations is in this context (when a woman says she’s been raped).

Then, and only then.

That doesn’t just portray asshole tendencies (although it definitely does that, too). It also is a form of silencing. It tries to counter an epistemic claim with anecdotes that aren’t backed up with any data, or any thought to its complexity outside of being a tool of retaliation.

In simpler words: if a woman didn’t say she was raped, you probably wouldn’t say shit about false rape accusations because your actions prove you don’t care about them. You just care about shutting the woman up.

That must change.

Not just for false rape accusations, but for any issues affecting men which are seen to be under-represented by the media.

Start caring about these issues outside of shutting women up. Do that with your time, your resources, your money, your expertise. Come together with other men who share your thoughts.

And most importantly, don’t do it to spite women. Do it to empower boys, and young men.